Dangerous Illusion
by CursedQuill
Summary: War changes everything and the Golden Trio is no acception. Because of this Hermione must now choose to either buy into Illusions or fall into the depths of reality where someones waiting to catch her. AN: First fan fic! Criticism Welcome!
1. Chapter 1

It was cold, too cold for October in my opinion. However the coldness did have a way of reflecting the emotions running through my heart. They left me. They left me behind to go off looking for Horuxes without me. "What an idiotic idea didn't they think I could be of service I mean I'm not the dumbest person in the world." I thought to myself while sitting on my window seat with my window open to the wondrous view of the Great Lake with the moon reflecting in it and then surrounded by a cloak of darkness known as the Forbidden Forrest. I sat there soaking it all in and at the same time peering out towards the horizon wishing I could be off with them rather than here. I didn't know how dependent I was on them until they left me at the end of the summer. The whole time I thought I was going with them. I suppose I was too focused on our journey to read the signals they were giving me. The glances away every time I told them we were going to be together till the end. The way they always tried to change the subject. I guess I figured that they were just sad about leaving everyone. I was so stupid. I should have known that they wouldn't bring me. I was no different than Ginny. I still remembered what Ron said to me in the letter.

"We need to do this on our own. I would just be worried about you the whole time. I love you too much to take you with me." I told everyone I understood even though it was killing me inside. But that is what I had to do. That is what I'm expected to do.

So I came back to Hogwarts pretending to be happy about my new head girl position. The truth was I was only happy about it because I knew it would occupy my time so I wouldn't have to think about Harry and Ron out there side by side facing the world without me. Unfortunately the choice of head boy wasn't particularly to my liking. Blaise Zambini was proving to be a very vexing roommate. He was always leaving his things all around and hogging the shower in the morning and although he never has really teased me before it is obvious the friendship matt hadn't been placed outside his door for me. I heaved a sigh and decided to go down to dinner. I threw on my robes and looked at myself briefly in the mirror. What was originally a sideward glance turned into an intense staring contest. I wanted to understand why they hadn't brought me with them. My whole life I have been able to get things, to understand things, whether it is a spell or a riddle or anything and now I couldn't. I tried to think of what was wrong with me. I mean I am smart and I can hold my own I wouldn't have been any extra baggage I could pull my own weight. Then I looked at my outward appearance. I wasn't ugly. I was just me. The best word I could come up with was plain. Suddenly I was rummaging through my room looking for something to put my hair up with. I managed to find a simple white hair ribbon. I straightened my hair with a charm I learned during 4th year for the Yule Ball but never really used again. Then I put my hair up in a half ponytail and tied it with the ribbon. I looked at myself again in the mirror. "Innocent." I thought to myself as I gazed at my reflection. I started to laugh. I don't know why it wasn't really funny. I guess the fact that I looked innocent was funny to me because I had seen so much. I was at the first battle. It was then that I started to feel the loose of Harry and Ron, when I was on the battlefield staring down a faceless death eater alone. I know that Ginny was there and of course the whole Weasley clan minus Ron but it didn't feel the same. It wasn't the same.

No one believed that we lost. I remember after we retreated there was an eerie silence only broken by some sobs and heavy sighs. It's as if by not talking about it they were denying it ever happened. However, when we returned to the site of the battle we realized it was true. The death eaters had taken the men that they found and chopped of they're heads and had them levitating above their bodies. We didn't know where the women were until we found the note that a headless body had clutched in its hand.

"Submit or this bloodshed will never end. Mudblood lovers are warned. Don't expect any mercy from us. And Lord Voldemort would like to thank you for supplying the mudblood loving whores." I remember the men whose wives he had taken were crying and the women were crying over their lost love ones. Everyone was crying. Except for me. I had to stay strong. I had to stay strong for them.

As I replayed the story in my mind silent tears that I would never let fall in public streamed down my face. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was just about to take out the ribbon when I stopped and brought my hand down to my side. "Maybe the illusion of innocence is more important than actually being innocent." I thought. I wiped the tears from my eyes threw on my robe and walked out the door. I walked into the Great Hall and sat down next to Neville who had his head stuck in some Herbology book.

"Hey Neville." I said while grabbing a roll. He nodded in return obviously more interested in his book. I wasn't mad I mean that would just be hypocritical seeing as how I have been in Neville's same position many times before. I looked around the Great Hall, you would think that people would withdraw their children from school because of the war but actually it was quite the opposite. People wanted their children to learn how to defend themselves and everyone thought that Hogwarts was the safest place for them. So the Great Hall looked like it always had except with McGonogall as the Headmistress and a few vacant seats at some tables seeing as some of the students were off fighting in the war. After I ate my roll I didn't feel hungry anymore so I got up and made my way out of the Great Hall nodding my goodbye's as I went. I lazily walked through the corridors heading towards the head dorms. As I rounded the last corner I was suddenly met with an alarming sight. Some one was limping towards the head dorm. Upon my first instinct I drew out my wand.

"Hey!" I yelled at the mysterious man with my wand outstretched. I walked a couple of steps closer. He dropped his wand and slowly turned around. I gasped when I saw his face but it wasn't the fact that he was bleeding from a cut on his forehead and that he looked like he got into a fist fight with a troll. I gasped because as he looked at me with his heavy pain stricken eyes I realized whom he was. I was face to face with none other than Draco Malfoy. The same Draco Malfoy that attempted to kill Dumbledore and has prided himself on hating mudbloods like me. My eyes widened in fear that I was ashamed to express.

"Granger." He croaked as if it pained him to speak. Then he swayed and fell to his knees and started coughing. I saw that he was coughing blood. With my wand in hand I bent down and put my wand under his chin.

"What are _you_ doing here Malfoy?" I asked with malice. Mustering up all the courage I could. He tried to respond but just started hacking again.

"Granger." He said again. I looked into his eyes and I got lost in them. They held so much pain but it was more than just physical pain. I don't know what came over me but I dropped my wand and positioned him on his back and I held his head in my arms. We both stared at each other. His gray ice melting into my deep brown. His hand reached up and curled around the ribbon in my hair and pulled it out which caused my hair to fall into my eyes.

"Granger get Blaise." He chocked out before his eyes closed and his body went limp. My stomach dropped. I checked his pulse and was relieved to find one. I looked around franticly. I saw the heads portrait. I put my robe under Malfoy's head and ran to it said the password and ran in.

"BLAISE!" I yelled sprinting up the stairs to his room and banging on the door. "BLAISE OPEN UP IT'S IMPORTANT!" I yelled.

"Will you stop that!" his portrait screamed at me.

"I'm sorry it's just I need to find Blaise." I stated franticly

'Look I heard him saying something about hanging out in the Slytherin common room ok." The portrait replied

"Thank you so much!" I said before sprinting down the stairs and out the door. I stopped and checked that Malfoy's pulse was still there and when I was reassured I started running in the direction of the Slytherin common room. I didn't know why I cared so much. I suppose after all the death and destruction I had seen I just wanted to help someone for a change instead of retreating. I reasoned to myself that I wanted him alive because he could provide us with information about Voldemort. I ran down the last flight of stairs but tripped on the second to last step and fell. I looked down and saw that my right knee was bleeding but I didn't care I got up and ran to the Slytherin common room portrait. I tried to say the password but I was so out of breath I couldn't. It took a minute to get it out and when I did I burst through the portrait. When I got inside all of the Slytherin's we congregated in the common room and were all laughing at me.

"Shut up all of you! Where's Blaise!" I screamed

"Granger why see Blaise when you could have me all to yourself?" Some random Slytherin said to me while getting up from his char and circling around me like a predator stalking its prey. I felt for my wand but it wasn't there. My eyes widened as I remember that I dropped it when I fell down the stairs. "What's this no wand? This is way too easy Ms. Granger." He said while sliding his arm around my waist. The other Slytherin's were snickering now. I went to slap him but he caught my wrist in mid swing. "Come on now Granger you know you want me." He whispered in my ear.

"Where's Blaise?" I said lamely

"Get the fuck off of her Nott." Said Blaise as he descended the stairs into the common room. I heaved a sigh and ran up to him. Only pausing to think it odd that Blaise stuck up for me.

"Blaise, Malfoy is here." I whispered into his ear.

"What?" He yelled gaining the attention of everyone in the room.

" Yeah. I found him trying to get into our common room. He told me to get you. Blaise, he's in pretty bad shape." I whispered.

"Come on." He said and grabbed my wrist and started running. We ran out of the common room then he let go of me and let me run behind him.

When we go to the foot of the stairs I looked around for my wand as he ran on. It took me a while to find it seeing as I had somehow kicked it in the corner of the corridor. When I found it I raced up the stairs and through corridors that seemed to be endless. When I finally got to the head's portrait it took all of the wind left in me to just say the password. I went through the portrait and looked around. It was quiet. No one was there. I started to walk but something didn't feel right and I looked down at my shoes and saw that there was blood on them from the floor. I followed the trail of blood up to Blaise's room. I pounded on the door much to the displeasure of Blaise's portrait. I didn't hear anything and knew instantly that he must have placed a silencing charm on his room. I pounded harder until suddenly the portrait flew open.

"WHAT!" Blaise screamed. I was taken aback not just from the sheer violence in his voice but from the sight of him. There was blood all over his shirt and hands.

"Blaise I can help." I stated firmly.

"No, you would just get in the way." He replied.

"How dare you I know just as much about healing as you do you arrogant prat!" I scolded.

"You don't know what spells to use against this Hermione, trust me." He said

"What do you mean?" I asked my curiosity peaked. There was not much I didn't know and for someone to even suggest that I didn't know something was a rare occurrence.

"It's powerful dark magic Hermione." He stated

"I still don't see why I can't-"

"Look if you wait for me in the common room I'll explain everything later I don't have time to fight with you. He doesn't have much time Hermione." He stated as he cut me off. I saw the plea in his eyes. So I nodded and descended the stairs and took a seat on the couch. I stared into the fireplace my mind racing with questions. However with the progression of the night my eyelids became heavier and heavier until I finally let them close. Suddenly I was jostled from my sleep as someone sat at the other end of the couch. I opened my eyes and realized it was Blaise. I instantly sat right up. I could see he had changed and washed up. He looked so tired. For a while we sat there in silence.

"How is he?" I inquired softly.

"He'll survive." He stated

"What happened?"

"I don't know but he was hit with some really powerful hexes." He replied

"What kind of hexes?"

"Well, one of them makes it so you get deep wounds all over your stomach but the clincher is that it happens from the inside out and I think they put him under the imperious curse and made him stab himself and break his own wrist. I don't quite know the intricate details of the other ones." He said while staring into the fire. I felt so bad for Malfoy and I didn't know why. I mean wasn't he my sworn enemy? Didn't he let the death eaters into the castle last year?

"Who are "they"?" I asked

"Death Eaters."

"But I thought he was a Death Eater." I said bewildered.

"He's not like them, he never has been."

"What do you mean?"

"He's not a murderer Hermione. His father knew this and tried to beat the compassion out of him but his mother would never let that happen."

"I had no idea." I said

"You wouldn't would you. His pride would never let anyone think his life was anything less than perfect. And plus his cruel exterior was the only thing keeping him alive."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Since he was 10" There was a long silence and I just let the information I had just learned sink in. I didn't know why but I wanted to help.

"So what do we do now?" I asked

"We?"

"Yes we, I'm part of this to." I said matter of factly.

"He won't like that."

"Well he's just going to have to deal with it now isn't he?" I said. Blaise smiled a little.

"Guess so. He needs to take his medication at 9 every night until he's fully recovered and since I have Quidditch practice on weekdays your going to have to do it. Think you can handle that?"

"Oh yes I think I up to the unbelievably challenging task of giving him his medication." I said dripping with sarcasm. Blaise smiled again.

"Well, just making sure." He said as he got up to go to his room. "Oh and my password is bloody gryffindors." He said with a playful smirk.

"Hardy Har Har very funny Blaise now what is it really?"

"No that's really it."

"Are you serious?"

"Completely." He stated before going up the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

In the week that past not much happened and every time I went to give Malfoy his medication he was asleep but Blaise gave very literal directions on how to administrate it when he was asleep. When I asked him about it Blaise said that since the medication shortened the recovery period by a couple of months it was very painful so he sedated Malfoy every night so he wouldn't have to be awake for the process. It was unusual to see him when he was asleep he was so peaceful and docile. I kept on thinking back to the night I found him. The way he looked at me, not down to me, but actually at me. His eyes melted me and I could finally see what all the girls were talking about when they swooned over him.

It was weird how much Blaise and I got along now. It was like we had always been friends. One day we were doing homework in the common room and I brought up the subject that was always avoided because of our conflicting views.

"We have to tell McGonogall, Blaise." I stated

"We can't, don't you get it Hermione? He'll go to Azkaban."

"Not if he is as good as you say he is."

"He came to me for help, Hermione. I can't just throw him to the wolves. He hasn't even fully recovered yet."

"Well veritaserum only works if you're in good health so I suppose we could wait until he is fully healed but when he is we go to McGonogall." I declared firmly

"He'll run, I know him, when he's done with us he'll run."

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't want to depend on anyone but himself anymore."

"Well he's going to have to learn that running away doesn't solve anything and that sometimes you need the help of others"

"Well you can tell him that then."

"I would but he's always asleep."

"Good thing I have a Quidditch game tomorrow then. You can give him his morning medication at 10am. Then again at 8pm cause I am going to be in the Slytherin common room."

"Fine I will." I said with a little more conviction that I actually possessed. Blaise smiled then left, probably to go run plays for tomorrow's game.

I sighed heavily. Honestly I was afraid of Malfoy now. I had seen him fight in the first battle, the one where I had lost my "innocence". He had so much rage in him even though he never was the first one to fire a spell he was always just defending himself I now realized. However, when I went back to the battlefield I saw the mangled bodies of the wizards and witches unfortunate enough to cross his path. I knew what I had to do. I had to go give Malfoy his medication. I will not be the one and only cowardly Gryffindor. I went to bed that night with this solemn vow engraved in my mind.

I got up at 9:00 the next morning. I spent the next 40 minutes picking out clothes and then the remaining 20 minutes doing my hair and applying a little make up. I reasoned to myself that I was going to go head over to the Quidditch game after I was done with Malfoy and I didn't want to look like a troll that just crawled out of its cave. I wore low waist jeans with a white lace cami and blackkneww high boots with a slight heel to them. I also had a dark red coat that went down to mid – thigh and my gryffindor scarf for some house spirit. I had straightened my hair and put it up in a messy ponytail with some stray pieces falling down. When I was finally done it was 9:58 and I figured I had better head over. I took one last look in the mirror and headed over to the next room. When I was outside the portrait I took a deep breath and said the password and the portrait opened. I entered and headed for the bed, where I had been used to seeing him. When he wasn't there I turned around and I was definitely not prepared for what I saw. "Holy Shit" I thought. There standing next to the window was Draco Malfoy. He was wearing no shirt and his pants hung dangerously low on his hips and he was holding a cigarette that he would bring to his lips and inhale and exhale a cloud of smoke periodically. It was by far the hottest thing I had seen in a long time. His physic was very impressive he didn't have huge muscles but he was definitely toned. Thank god he wasn't paying attention to me or he would have gotten one huge ego boost from my gawking. I realized this and regained my composure

"You know those things can kill you." I said breaking the silence. He chuckled at this still looking out the window.

"I should be so lucky." He replied.

"And anyway smoking is an atrocious custom. I mean who wants to kiss an ashtray?"

"Haven't had any complaints so far." He stated. If I had imagined him saying this before I would have imagined that his eyes would glimmer with the comments implication. However, his eyes only seemed to show sadness with a serious edge to them. So I gave up my mini battle with him and took off my coat and put it on one of the chairs. I then went to the bedside table and kneeled down to open it with the key Blaise gave me. I got the medicine out and put it on the desk. I looked over at him and saw that he was looking at me. I gave in an exasperated look and started measuring the medicine. After a while I looked back up at him and saw he was lighting another cigarette. I looked back down as soon as our eyes met. I carefully poured the medicine into a glass and walked up to him.

"Here." I said while handing the glass to him. He took the glass and for a brief moment our hands touched. I told myself that I was just being alert to any sudden movements. I released my hold and he drank it. I went back to the list to see what the next thing I had to do was.

"I suppose Blaise told you everything." He stated as I was walking back to the desk.

"I don't know if he told me everything but he told me some things, yes." I replied

"Bloody wanker needs to keep his mouth shut."

"Look, I had a right to know and Blaise was just--"

"Oh you had a right to know." He said sarcastically.

"Well, of course, I had just found you on the ground an inch from death what did you think I was going to do? Act as if it was a every day thing to find a beaten well-known death eater almost dead in front of me."

"Your such a fucking smart ass, As usual you needed to get all the facts so that you could understand me as if I was a fucking transfiguration spell." He stated with malice.

"Don't you dare think that you know me so well that you can predict what my motives are you arrogant prick!" I scolded him.

"Your just mad because you are so easily predictable. I even knew Potty and Weasley were going to leave you behind. You want to know why don't you? I bet it's killing you inside. I bet you cry every night. Well, allow me to enlighten you. It's because you dominate them. It's because Ron needs to feel like he's a fucking man because you probably don't do anything with him past second base. He has probably had to wank off every night for the past year because you're such a fucking tease. I bet he didn't want you around so he could get some experience fucking some other girls."

I couldn't help the tears that streamed down my face. Solidifying his victory over me. I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes but more kept coming. As my frustration at my lack of control grew so did my hatred for the boy in front of me. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore and I lashed out in an attempt to slap him but with stunningly fast reflexes he caught my hand. He didn't even flinch. In my subconscious I knew that this signified a change and that he was no longer the cowardly little boy I had known him to be. Abandoning my effort to redeem myself I turned around and cleaned up the medicine put it away walked over and picked up my coat and headed towards the door. As I was half way out the door I turned around and looked him in the eyes.

"Blaise was wrong on some level you are and will always be a Death Eater. I should have known better than to waste my time on a lost cause. Your mother must be so proud of you." His eyes widened at my last comment and I knew I had struck a nerve. Then I left. I put on my coat and started to run. I ran down the corridors each one seeming to stretch on forever until I finally made it to the staircase I ran down and ran outside. As soon as I got outside I stopped running. I let the cold air wash over me as I breathed heavily. I imagined that with every expulsion of air it was his words leaving my body. I decided I didn't want to go to the Quidditch game so I walked around the lake. I didn't know why his words hurt so much I suppose because I was beginning to have those same thoughts myself and I was angry that I was doubting the man I had told myself I loved so many times before. "I love Ronald Weasley." I said to myself while peering across the lake. However, it wasn't convincing me as much as I would like it to. I started to cry. I knew I loved him I had always loved him. He's the one; he's everything I could ever want. I started to get angry with myself. "Hermione you idiot, this is a test of your love don't let it falter just because some pretentious git bull shits you into thinking something that isn't true. It's not true Hermione. Ron loves you. You love Ron." I thought to myself while burying my head in my knees as I sat down under a tree near the lake.

Then I kept repeating it to myself. And for I don't know how long the only thought going through my head was "Ron loves You". Before I knew it I had fallen asleep. When I woke up it was dark. As my eyes adjusted to being open I looked out over the lake. I just stood there and watched the stars glance at themselves as their light bounced off the calm water. After a while I knew it was time to leave. So I went back in through the main entrance and I made my way back to the heads room. I said the password and made my way through to the common room.

"Where have you been!" Blaise screamed.

"Walking." I stated plainly in a voice that I hoped portrayed my opposition in discussing it any further.

"Oh well that's bloody great do you know what time it is Hermione?"

"No."

"It's 9 o clock."

"That's nice."

"HERMIONE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GIVE HIM HIS MEDICATION AT 8 O CLOCK! I mean I wouldn't have let you help me if I had known you were going to be this irresponsible!" He screamed

"Look-"

"No Hermione you _look_, He could have** died**. Do you understand that?"

"You know what Blaise, forget it."

"What?"

"I am not going to care for that pampered git. I was so stupid to think there was even a slight chance that he was something other than the cruel boy I had known all these years."

"I told you about his family. I thought you would understand."

"Yeah you told me about his family how very cunning of you, really did your house proud on that one. What an attentive nurse I have been. You actually got me to take care of him for a week while you went off and played Quidditch."

"What is wrong with you? Have you lost your mind!"

"On the contrary I was insane. I have just recently come to my senses with the help of your friend and I realize that just because Malfoy had a bad childhood it doesn't mean that it justifies 6 years of ridicule and pain."

"Sorry your life has been so hard. Draco was right I should have never told you anything you frigid bitch."

"Well, thank you for proving my point." I said as I brushed passed him and made my way to my room.

"You always have to be right don't you." He said in a quiet voice just as I went into my room. I pretended I hadn't heard him. That night I didn't sleep. I stayed up all night and did homework. I did all the homework I had and that I knew was going to be assigned. This was how I vented. By the morning I had realized how sad that was. I didn't leave my room for the rest of the weekend.

The following two weeks I felt lonelier than I had when I first arrived at school. I felt as though the old saying, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, was complete bullocks. I wish I had never become Blaise's friend. I didn't even know if we were really friends or just very civil. Well in either case I wish I had never found Malfoy on the ground that night. "I wish I had kicked the bastard and walked away." However, As I thought it I knew it was bullshit. Subconsciously I knew that even now if I saw him like that I would help him. It was just the type of person I was. Then again, now, I would probably turn him over to Azkaban after he got well enough.

I was in the library while I had these thoughts. I had been spending a lot of time there lately seeing as how it posed a tension-free environment. With every passing day it got harder to stop my mind from drifting to Malfoy. In the beginning I was so mad at him that every time I thought of him I got so heated that I would start doing work to vent and the original three paragraph Essay on the importance of the vestigae root was to the magical inhabitants of Siberia during the 6th century turned into a 32-inch paper. Which was on how the primitive but simple uses of the vestigae root are often poorly represented in history. It also went on to explain that if the well off people in the wizarding world would stop obsessing about finding as many unimportant magical relics that show the importance of their own ancestry as they could and actually used some of that money to invest in magical historians then the history of the wizarding world would be better portrayed. However, now I was starting to doubt my convictions against Blaise and Malfoy. So with every knew day it became harder and harder to think of those eyes and feel complete loathing. I'm not saying that I was ready to go and roll out the friendship matt but I didn't feel like sicking a dementor on him anymore. Suddenly I heard people running and giggling and rushing out of the library. Curious, I got up and caught up to one of them and recognized him as a 4th year Gryffindor.

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked

"Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley were sighted!" He said excitedly

"What? Are they here now?" I asked my hear racing a mile a minute

"They should be here soon, They're riding Hippogriffs!"

"Holy hell." I said to myself before I started running along with everyone else to get outside. Once I got outside I joined in with the group and searched for them.

"Look there they are!" someone suddenly yelled. We all looked to where he was pointing and sure enough there were two hippogriffs flying towards the school. The first thing I saw was Ron's red hair and I couldn't help to the huge smile that came to my face. Everyone started cheering. The savior of the wizarding world was back. Harry would fix everything. I could see the relief literally wash over everyone and I stood in wonder. Finally they touched down. Everyone immediately started to run for them. I held back. I didn't know why but something was wrong about the whole situation. I didn't know what but it just didn't feel right. I suppose because the rational side of me prevented me from being caught up in the fantasy. That fantasy being the one in which Harry Potter comes galloping in on his noble steed and sleighs the Dark Lord and saves the wizarding world like he has done so many times before and then we all live happily ever after. I knew it wouldn't be that simple and I also knew that unlike the dashing heroes in the Disney movies my mother made me watch this one could die and that a happy ending is all about perspective. But for one fleeting second I believed it and that was the happiest I had been in a long time.

Suddenly I noticed the crowds part. Here were my two best friends walking up to me. I smiled. They needed me to believe the fantasy. So I pretended I did. I ran up to them. I gave Harry a big hug. His robes were torn and tattered and dirty and I could tell he had lost some weight. His skin was pale as ever and he just looked tired. Despite all of this the thing that stuck out the most to me were his eyes. They didn't have the same light in them that they had when he left. However, Ron seemed to be in the exact opposite condition. He was laughing and smiling and graciously receiving kisses on the cheek from admiring fans. As I was hugging Harry I whispered to him "I'm glad you're ok." He didn't respond but nodded his head. I moved onto Ron. As I hugged him he lifted me up and twirled me around laughing the whole time. I put on the best smile I could. Then he put me down and kissed me. By no means was this a polite kiss on the lips. It was a huge passionate I-Haven't-Seen-You-In-Ten-Years type kiss that was going above and beyond the codes for acceptable public displays of affection. I heard the boys in the crowd cheer louder.

"Missed you baby." He said once we had broken apart so everyone could hear.

"I missed you to." I said with a smile. "_Baby_? Since when did we establish pet names?" I thought. Before I could stop myself images of smarmy used cars salesmen with potbellies that wore plaid suits and gold jewelry floated into my head. He had never used pet names before unless he was being sarcastic. He had definitely changed. They both had.


	3. Chapter 3

McGonagall was more than happy to let Harry and Ron sleep in their old beds. They said that they would only be visiting for a couple of days. They didn't come to dinner much to the disappointment of all the girls who spent hours getting ready to see them. Somehow with the war just starting up Harry and Ron have become the most wanted boys in the wizarding world. I had already known that they were not going to be at dinner because Ron had made plans to meet with me in my common room at 8. I had to go to the bathroom so I decided to use the nearest girls bathroom. I was just about to come out of the cubical when I heard some girls come in and I heard them mention Harry so I decided to stay hidden a little while longer.

"Yeah, I know it's a pity about Harry. I don't know what happened he looked so perfect last year." One of the girls said "Don't you just hate what war does to people?" I rolled my eyes. I loved how superficial they were.

"Well it's helped Ron a lot. He looks so fit!" Another girl exclaimed excitedly.

"Yeah and I love the scruffy I could take on 10 death eaters at a time look."

"Well I can't wait to see him in the common room without his baggage."

"I know can you believe this afternoon? I mean she didn't even look that happy."

"I know she is so aggravating she doesn't know how good she has it. Ron is so totally out of her league"

"She doesn't even try to look appealing I don't know how he puts up with her."

"By leaving her here. She probably looks alright from a few thousand miles away, well, I mean as good as she can get." After this they giggled. I wanted to hurl.

"Yeah we should go though less is more we don't want to look totally fake."

"I know I hate girls like that." I did another eye roll they were obviously putting on make-up.

I heard the door slam shut signaling their exit. I unlocked the door and came out and the first sight I laid my eyes on was myself reflected back at me. I hadn't really gotten that dressed up today but if I had known Harry and Ron were coming I would have maybe fixed my hair a little and maybe worn a better set of robes. That was the second time someone had revealed to me that I wasn't good enough for Ron. I slowly made my way back to my dorms. Then I started to think about what they said. "I'll show those moron's I am good enough for Ron." With this determined thought I set off at a run and quickly got to my room to change. When I got there I sorted through my entire closet and found the perfect outfit. I then went to my mirror and preformed the spell I had that night I had found Malfoy. My hair had become straight and smooth. I decided to let in hang down. I slipped into my outfit and applied some make up. By the time I was done it was almost 8. I looked in the mirror. I was wearing a jean mini skirt that was shorter than anything I would deem comfortable. Then I realized that it was Ginny's and that she had left it here. I was also wearing a button-down black cami that showed some cleavage, not a lot, but enough for me to keep adjusting the neckline every 5 seconds. Overall I thought I looked like a prostitute. I felt naked and I didn't like it. However, this is what girls were wearing. This is what guys wanted. I sighed. I was so glad Blaise was spending the night in the Slytherin common room. I could just imagine the hooker jokes that would flow from his mouth.

Then I heard a knock at the portrait. I went down to go answer it. I didn't bother with shoes because it's not like we were going anywhere. I opened the portrait and there Ron was. He had changed into some jeans and a tight t-shirt. I was shocked to see him wearing what he was wearing but decided to let it go. "You look different." I said

"You look amazing." He said eyeing me up and down.

"Thanks." I replied tucking my hair behind my ears. Then he came towards me. I don't know why but my first reaction was to step back but I didn't. He was my boyfriend. I would not step back from my boyfriend. He swooped down on me expertly and started kissing me. I noticed that he was different than when he used to kiss me. He was rougher, lustful, and confident. He started kissing my neck and leading me toward the couch. I resisted a little at first but I figured that he had been gone a long time and need to get some things out of his system. He pushed me onto the couch and climbed on top of me. He then started the grope me more and started to moan. I was a horrible person. I wasn't getting anything out of this. "What's wrong with me?" I thought. He started to get rougher and the he ripped off my shirt. Buttons went flying in every which direction. He straddled me and looked down at my cleavage barely covered by my red bra. Somehow it reminded me of those bullfighters. His eyes changed and I noticed a significant bulge pressing into me as he dove in for another neck sucking session. He began to feel me up. He had done it before. I mean I wasn't that uptight. But this was different. He was so gentle before almost more kind. As he was doing all of this I wasn't even really paying attention. I mean when he would kiss me I would kiss back and sometimes I would throw in a moan here or there but I wasn't into it. I kept on thinking random things like "I wonder if it will be sunny tomorrow like it was today. That was nice. I finally had some decent lighting to do my homework by. I mean, would it kill them to make the library a little better lit. It's not that hard a few more candles here and there. Maybe I'm just getting old. Ahg bad mental image. Probably a good time for a moan. Well the first thing to go is the eyesight, or is it hearing, maybe it varies from person to person. Hey, never noticed that painting before. Geeze what are they doing? Bloody hell they're plucking a chicken. Who would honestly ever put that in a heads dorm? They probably put portraits they're sick of in here. I wonder if I would be an interior decorator if I went to muggle school." While all of this was going on in my head I barely registered the removal of my bra and of his shirt. However, what did jolt me back into reality was the fact that he was putting his hand down my skirt.

"What the hell are you doing?" I screamed as I pushed him off of me and sat up.

"What?"

"Look I think we should stop."

"What? Why? Come on baby." I inwardly cringed at the use of the pet name. He then tried to make me lie down.

"I'm just not ready for that Ron." I said while pushing him off me. He sighed heavily and I could tell he was mad

"You're such a fucking tease." He said with obvious frustration.

"Excuse me?"

"You open the door and your dressed like that and then you let me do stuff and your not resisting at all then you all of a sudden want to stop."

"The only reason I wasn't resisting is because I didn't want to upset you since you just got back."

"Well too late. This is a war 'mione who knows when we'll see each other again? I have been really patient. I think your just being uptight. Come on." He stated pushing me back down.

"No Ron." I said trying to push him off of me. Unfortunately this time he wasn't budging. He then started kissing me again. "Ron, No." I said sternly.

"I promise it will be good 'mione." He said full of lust, which was reaffirmed by a familiar bulge.

"Ron I'm not ready, please." I said still trying to get him off of me. My mind started racing. My first thought was: "Where's my wand?" And unfortunately the answer was in my room. I franticly tried pushing him off of me. He was now working on getting my skirt off. "GET OFF ME!" I screamed trying to slap him or kick him.

"Now, stop that. You want this too. I know you do." He said while abandoning the effort on my skirt and unbuttoning his pants. I tried as hard as I could to fight him but he wouldn't budge he had definitely gotten more "fit" as my friends in the bathroom said. I started to panic.

"Please, don't do this Ron." I asked earnestly. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what would get me out of this one. So I did the most vulnerable thing I had done in a long time hoping it would make him stop.

"STOP IT PLEASE!" I screamed and sobbed.

"Now that's just annoying." He said then he pulled out his wand and I could tell he was about to cast a silent spell on me.

"EXPELLIAMUS!" someone suddenly yelled. Ron's wand was flown from his had across the room. Ron looked toward Blaise's room. I knew instantly who it was. Malfoy.

"Malfoy?" Ron exclaimed surprised.

"Let her go." Malfoy demanded

"This doesn't concern you." Ron spat. I then saw a wand being held to Ron's throat but I still couldn't see Malfoy because the back of the couch was in the way. Ron let go of me and stood up. I then realized the fact that I was half naked and my arms flew up to cover me up after I re-buttoned my skirt. I saw my bra on the floor and quickly put it on. I saw my shirt but remembered that Ron had literally ripped it off of me. I then saw that Ron was still standing very near me and stealing glances at me every chance he got. I quickly stood up feeling dirty under his gaze. Malfoy didn't even notice me as his eyes were fixed on Ron and I saw the look of rage in his eyes that he had when he fought in the first battle.

"What the hell are you doing Hermione. You're going to go to the guy who has tormented you for the past six years? You are going to go crawl over to this murdering death eater," Ron barked.

I didn't respond I just kept walking toward Malfoy and stood behind him and he kept a hand out in front of me as if to protect me.

"Yes. And it doesn't matter anymore I have forgiven him. It's all in the past." For a moment Malfoy's head turned ever so slightly toward me but then quickly snapped back at the sound of Ron's voice.

"Fine you know what I am done with you. The other girls were right your nothing but an uptight teachers pet with a stick up her ass. Hope you like prudes Malfoy." He said maliciously

"Just keep it up Weasel." Malfoy said. I looked at him shocked.

"What?" Ron asked stupidly.

"Just give me more reasons to kill you." Malfoy said. For a long time Malfoy and Ron just glared at each other. Then finally Ron headed out of the portrait. When the portrait clicked shut I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. Malfoy stared at the door for a little while longer as if expecting Ron to come back. When he was apparently satisfied he picked up Ron's wand and chucked it out the door. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I stood there staring at the couch. Malfoy put his cloak around me and he started heading up to Blaise's room.

"You were right." I said softly as a tear ran down my face. "He did seem a little more experienced than I last saw him." I said turning toward him and forcing a smile as the tears kept flowing. He took some steps toward me.

"Well aren't you a walking contradiction. Smiling and crying all at the same time. So which are you? Happy or Sad?" He said standing in front of me with his arms crossed in front of his chest looking at me with those eyes of his.

"The one that will get me through the day with least questions asked." I replied with another fake smile. He nodded and there was a long pause and then finally I spoke up. "Why did you help me?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Something to do. Never was one to pass up giving Weasel a hard time." He said simply.

"Well glad to be of service." I said sarcastically. We both looked at each other and laughed. It wasn't even that funny but we laughed anyway. After we were done he smiled a real earth-shattering smile. That's right Draco Malfoy didn't smirk he didn't sneer he smiled and it was contagious.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few minutes he took out a cigarette and lit it.

"I would offer you one but I already know how you feel about smoking." He said after bringing it to his lips. I watched the gray cloud of smoke leave his lips and expand into nothingness.

"Are you going to leave now?" I asked remembering what Blaise had said. He looked away from me and kept taking drags.

"I have to." He said at last.

"Why?"

"I'm not going to stay here and pretend that the war isn't raging outside the castle gates. I have never been particularly found of buying into illusions." I gave him a puzzled look. "Harry fucking Potter is not always going to be there to save us. The wizarding world has to start taking care of itself." I knew what he was talking about. I had tried to deny it to myself but the truth was that the dependency on Harry and Ron was going to be our downfall. I sighed heavily.

"Where will you go?" I quietly asked.

"I don't know. Somewhere where I can gather some money and maybe some friends to help me."

"Help you do what?" I asked

"Get revenge on all those who have crossed me." He said while taking another drag. Although it was a serious statement he said it in a casual tone.

"How very Count of Monte Cristo of you." I replied

"What?"

"Read the book." He nodded his head as he made his was up the stairs. He went into Blaise's room. As the time past the conflict inside of me rose. "Fuck it." I said finally and rose from my seat and ran up the stairs to Blaise's portrait. I collected myself then said the password and entered. There he was packing a small duffle bag. He looked up when I came through the door. "I just wanted to-" I started

"It's ok, I know." He said cutting me off. I nodded. He then went to the window and accioed his broom. He looked back at me. "I never even apologized. Why did u forgive me?"

"Because I knew you were sorry." I replied

"And when did you figure this out."

"Right before I said it." I said with a smirk. He smiled back.

"Take care of yourself Hermione." He said

"You to…………Draco." He smiled again then took off into the night. I watched him fly off and vaguely noticed with a smile that it was a full moon and that flying off into the night was such a cliché witch/wizard thing to do. Leave it to Draco Malfoy to make a classic exit. When I finally tore myself away from the sky I realized that he had left a pack of cigarettes on the windowsill and a muggle lighter. I don't know what came over me but I grabbed the pack took out a cigarette lit it and brought it to my lips. "Here's to atrocious customs." I thought. The smoke rippled down my throat and I could feel it expand in my lungs. I coughed and then took another drag.

A few hours later Blaise entered the room. By now I had mastered the art of smoking, or at least I wasn't hacking up my spleen every time I took a drag.

"He left." Blaise said suddenly jolting me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, he did." I said distantly.

"I'm sorry for what I said before." Blaise said after a long silence.

"You were right, it was wrong of me to not give him his medicine and I shouldn't have been so sensitive." I replied while taking another drag. Blaise then walked up to me and put an arm on my shoulder.

"Since when have you been a smoker?' He asked in a playful tone

"Since a couple of hours ago." I replied with a smirk Draco would have been proud of. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow then took a cigarette for himself and lit it. To my supreme astonishment he didn't cough like I had.

"Since when have you been a smoker?" I joked

"Since I was able to strike a match my dear." He said with a wink. We both laughed and stayed up the whole night talking and smoking.

The weeks seemed to go by as if time was set in slow motion. Every day I searched for news of Draco. It became an obsession. I don't know why but I needed to know that he was all right. I guess because of how he helped me. Speaking of which, Ron and Harry's stay had been significantly prolonged. What started out as visiting for a couple of days turned into a week which then turned into two. I hadn't spoken to Ron since that night and upon being free of me I heard he had bedded almost all of the Gryffindor girls, sometimes I had heard stories of him doing two or three at a time. Harry was a different story. I had tried to talk to him numerous times but the only person he would talk to was Ginny. He was also getting thinner by the day and looked liked he hadn't slept since he had gotten here. However, I barley got to see Ron and Harry because they weren't taking any classes and spent the whole day "training". My mind kept drifting back to happier years when we took on everything from Potions to Voldemort. Those days seemed to have been lost. The war was definitely taking its toll. But I was glad that I had found a friend in Blaise. He was very witty and he was fairly smart, without him I don't think I would have been able to survive. He was my only confident. I couldn't really talk to anyone else.

This was what I was thinking about when I was walking down the hall to dinner. Whenever I would look up people would whisper and glare at me from their positions. I ignored them; I knew why they were glaring at me. After the incident with Ron he had said that he had caught me cheating on him with a Slytherin. He wouldn't have dared mentioned that Draco had been in the castle or people would have been angry with him for letting a Death Eater get away. At first I had vehemently denied the rumor and had not come out of my dorm unless I absolutely had to. However, after getting over the original shock and outrage, I realized that people will believe what they want to believe and so now I just ignore the glares and the whispers.

When I got to the great hall I headed toward the end of the Ravenclaw table. With the increasing number of Death Eater attacks families had finally started to withdraw their children from school, or older kids would go home to take care of their broken homes. Because of this there were more places to sit so Blaise and I had started to sit together at the end of the Ravenclaw table and Neville would usually join us or sometimes to my great displeasure Theodore Nott. It was because of this seating arrangement that most of the Hogwarts community thought that Blaise was the Slytherin that I had been cheating on Ron with.

Sometimes I thought of what it would be like to be in a relationship with him but it would always seem not right. I mean I didn't see him as a brother, we were pretty flirtatious and I would often lean on him when we were sitting next to each other and sometimes he would put his arm around me, but there was something that was prohibiting us from becoming romantically involved. Tonight, however, Blaise was nowhere to be seen. So I grabbed a piece of bread and an apple and headed back to my room. I had been working since the end of school on a huge History paper and the finally decided that 48 inches of parchment was more than enough. When I finally reached the portrait I said the password and prepared to go inside before I was met with a sight I was definitely not expecting. There in our common room was Blaise on top of Theodore Nott and both were shirtless and making out. My eyes widened as they both looked up and saw me. Nott quickly pushed Blaise off of him.

"Get off of me you fag!" he said while zipping up his pants and looking for his shirt. Blaise looked like someone just punched him in the stomach.

"You weren't complaining a moment ago." Blaise drawled after he regained his composure. At this Nott seemed to have lost all control over himself and punched Blaise in the face. Because of the force of the impact Blaise fell backwards onto the ground. The whole time I didn't know how to react. My face seemed to be frozen in a state of shock. Blaise then started to laugh.

"You think that's going to make you straight? Go on hit me again if it will make you feel better. Come on!" Blaise said as he got up and walked right up to Nott and stuck out hischin and pointed to it begging Nott to hit him again. "Blaise it's over alright. I told you if anyone found out that would be the end of it" Nott said in a defeated tone.

"You don't mean that." Blaise responded casually

"Yes I fucking do!" Nott screamed. After regaining control of my face and my thoughts I finally decided to speak up.

"Nott I won't tell anyone. I swear." I stated firmly. Nott shot me a murderous glare that would have made Voldemort himself piss his pants. He then walked over to me and got an inch away from my face.

"Don't bull shit me Granger. I know how you Gryffindor's work. You act all high and mighty because of your so called Gryffindor bravery and goodness but when it comes to anyone outside of your fucking house you would rather have your arm cut off than help any of us." He spat. I glared back at him.

"Not all of us are like that Nott."

"You are."

"Oh and how have you come to this assumption? From the hours of quality time we have spent together over the years?" I replied sarcasticly.

"Please, you're like Gryffindor's poster child."

"Well that shows how much you know about me. Look, I would never hurt a friend. And seeing as how Blaise is my friend I am not about to go and tell the whole school that he is gay and sleeping or doing whatever with you." I said advancing on him and making him sit on the couch. "Now tell Blaise your sorry for acting like a complete wanker and overreacting."

I looked over at Blaise and saw that he had an amused expression on his face and then I looked back at Nott. He had a look of shock on his face. I rolled my eyes and headed towards the staircase. "I'll be in my room." I said as I ascended the staircase. Before I entered my room I looked down on the common room and saw that Nott and Blaise hugging. I rolled my eyes. "Boys." I thought as I fell down onto my bed. A few hours later I heard a knock on my door. I pulled myself out of the warmth and comfort of my bed and opened the door. I was met with Blaise's face, which was donning a sheepish grin. "This better be good Zambini." I mumbled sleepily while opening the door and letting him in.

"I thought we should talk about, you know." He said full of embarrassment.

"What's to talk about?" I replied followed by a yawn.

"Well aren't you freaked out at least a little bit?"

"That's ridiculous. Look, I have been around gay people my whole life seeing as how it's not so much frowned upon in the muggle world. I say love who you want." I replied while getting out of bed and walking over to him. "Besides you're still the biggest prat I know." I said while ruffling his hair and going to sit across from him.

"You should take your own advice." He said with a smirk as he took out a box of cigarettes and handed me one.

"What are you talking about?" I said while lighting up settling into our usual ritual of smoking and talking.

"I see you searching the paper every week. You know, I don't seem to you remember being so interested in the news before Draco came to visit us." He said with the same smirk.

"Screw you, I am not in love with Draco Malfoy."

"That's a bloody lie, seeing as how you jump whenever he's mentioned. Look it's ok I say love who you want." He said mimicking me, hardly able to control his face from breaking open into a huge smile. I threw a pillow at him.

"Oh sod off." I replied

"Hey no arguments here I mean I don't think I would be the way I am if there were no Draco Malfoy." He said with a chuckle. I coughed suddenly.

"Wait, Draco's gay?" I asked with my eyes wide.

"Oh yeah flaming homosexual, can't you tell?" he replied sarcastically. He rolled his eyes. " Trust me if he was gay I would never have let him leave my bedroom." We both looked at each other and laughed.

"Does he know that you're gay?" I asked sincerely

"He was the first person I came out to."

"When was that?"

"5th Year."

"What did he do?"

"He beat the shit out of me then two weeks later apologized and said that he didn't know how to react."

"That's such a guy thing to do." I said while lighting up another cigarette. When he finally left it was well into the morning but since it was a Friday it didn't really matter. I decided that there was no real point in going to sleep so I gathered some blankets and wrapped them around myself and sat in front of the window and waited for the sunrise. The last time I watched the sunrise was in fifth year over Christmas break and there had just been the first snow of the winter season and my parents and I had stayed up all night just watching and talking and joking around with each other and my mother exclaimed that it was a pointless tradition and that some people need their beauty sleep and then my dad had said "some more than others" and my mother hit him on the back of the head with her hand. As soon as the sun came up, however, we all became silent and stood up and huddled around the window peering out as we watched the sun stretch her golden fingers and consume the sky with her radiance which was reflected by the snow. "That there is Gods painting." My father had said then proceeding to kiss me on the top of my head. A tear slid down my face as I remembered.

How I missed my parents. I knew that it was selfish to wish that they were watching the sunrise with me but I couldn't help it. After the break in at the Ministry of Magic the Order thought that it would be a good idea for to place all the immediate muggle family members of prominent witches/wizards into hiding. I had no idea where they were. "God seems like just an illusion to me now, just like Harry." I thought to myself. Tears had started to flow freely as the sun came up to meet the sky. I looked to the side and found myself staring at my reflection; my tears were reflecting the sun just as the snow was that day. I smiled. I didn't know why but I wiped my tears away and I smiled. I think it was because even though I tried so hard to fight it ,to hold onto my pessimistic thoughts of the day when I would be a slave to pureblood tyranny, a tiny seed of hope was planted deep within me with just one sunrise.


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER I've just been really busy with school and stuff and believe me I know how annoying it is when you read a story and you're into it and they never update so I'm really really sorry But these next few chapters should be fun to write so I think they will be easier to write than this one.)**

The next couple of days I noticed a significant change in the way Nott was to me. Gone was the constant ridicule about being a Gryffindor and gone were the overused mudblood jabs. In fact he and I were getting to be quite good friends. I found that he was very funny and even though he wasn't as smart as Blaise he still could hold an intelligent conforsation far better than Ron ever could. Sometimes I would look over to the Gryffindor table and watch Ron. Often he was surrounded by his fan group made up of girls from all the houses except Slytherin. I would roll my eyes and wish he could just be the Ron I fell for all those years ago. I had tried to talk to Harry but he was still keeping to himself and even starting to pull away from Ginny. He was planning something , I could tell. I could tell by the little things he did the type of things only someone who has known him for a long time could know. It was the way his brow was always furrowed with contemplation or how he would appear to be listening to someone but his eyes were in a daze. It angered me that Ron was totally oblivious to these signs. How could he think that everything was fine? How could he be so self absorbed? I had to confront him. Maybe he would have some insight into why Harry was acting like this. Or maybe because of all the time they spent together going after Horuxes Ron could get Harry to tell him what's going on. It pained me to think that their friendship was stronger than ever, but finding out what was up with Harry was more important than my bruised pride.

It was Friday when I decided to confront Ron. I had put it off for the entire week but I knew I had to do it before the weekend. I knew that a big part of putting it off was because I was still afraid of him from our previous encounter. This angered me so I set out to find him and prove to myself that I was brave. I saw him heading for the library at the end of the day so I followed him. However, once I got to the library he seemed to have disappeared. I went further back in the Library, into the part nobody really goes to. It didn't seem like he was there until I herd the distinct sounds of heavy breathing and moaning that could only be tied to one promiscuous act. I rolled my eyes "Leave it to Ron to turn the Library into his own personal romping grounds." I made my way to that part of the Library. I braced myself and headed down the row of books.

"Wow Ron you sure have learned some new tricks" I stated while mentally getting over the spectical of Ron screwing Lavender up against the bookshelf. Lavender gasped and scrambled to put on her clothes while Ron casually pulled up his pants and zipped up his fly.

"What you want to screw me to? Well honey your going to have to get in line." Ron Replied

"Am I that transparent?" I asked sarcasticly.

"You're just jealous." Lavender replied after successfully putting her wrinkled clothes back on.

"Oh yes that's it I am sooooo jealous that I am not getting used by Ronald and treated like a common whore."

"I'm not the one who sleeps around with Slytherins you traitorous slut." She replied with malice before stomping away making a point to bump into me on her way out.

"Creative little rumor you started there Ron." I stated with a hint of sarcasm so that it seemed like what she said didn't bother me.

"Thanks I'm quite proud of it." He declared with a grin that I had seen Draco wear many times in the past.

"Look I didn't come here for this-"

"Then what did you come for?" He asked stalking towards me with a suggestive look on his face

"Please, don't make me vomit. I came because we need to talk." I said

"I don't see what we have to talk about. I thought I was quite clear but perhaps your not as smart as everyone says you are. I am done with you ok. It's over.."

"Not every girl is in love with you! And not everything is about you! I wanted to talk about Harry!"

"And not everything is about Harry! I am so sick of everyone fawning over him. I do just as much as he does and I have never got any recognition! I have always been Harry Potters poor Red Headed Sidekick! And now that people are starting to realize that I am important he starts to sulk! Well I'm sorry but now he knows how I felt." He yelled

"That's really what you think? You think Harry is sulking over the fact that no one is fawning over him? Are you on drugs! Why would that bother Harry? All he has ever wanted was to get out of the spotlight! You are so fucking dumb!!" I yelled and turned to leave. The Ron grabbed my arm and spun me around and pinned me against the bookshelf. I gasped and reached for my wand but he saw the motion and with surprisingly fast reflexes snatched my hands and pinned them up above my head.

"Don't you ever call me dumb again." He said in a murderous voice. I looked into his eyes and noticeably shuddered in fear. I was looking at evil. These eyes held none of their former compassion and love. I knew I could never trust these eyes again. This wasn't my friend this was a monster woven from the threads of war and into something that could never be unraveled. "That's right Hermione be afraid. I am just as powerful as you. Just think of what I could do to you right now without your little Death Eater friends to help you." He said while moving his hand down towards the hem of my skirt. My senses became heightend and adrenaline started pumping through my body my brain started to gear into panic mode and I was looking around me to see if there was a possible way out. Suddenly I landed on a plan that would use his only weakness when it came to me. I kneed him as hard as I could in the balls. Ron doubled over in pain and I ran as fast as I could out of the library and to the heads dorm. I burst in and slammed the door shut. I turned around and leaned up against the door trying to catch my breath.

"You ok 'Mione?" Blaise said. I looked up and saw that he was sitting in the common room apprarenty doing his homework.

"Just felt like a run." I lied after I regained my composure and made my way to my room. As I shut the door as phrase that had been repeating itself in my mind for sometimes resurfaced. "What the hell is happening to my life?"

When Monday came around I wanted to hex myself for letting Ron know he could get to me because of the fact that he had been using it to his advantage all weekend. He was doing things like brush up against me or slapping my butt when he passed me. Normally I would hex the pants off any guy who would even dare to do that but I don't know why but whenever Ron was around my mind seemed to go heighten to the point where the only thing I thought of was getting out of the encounter unscathed. So those times I didn't do anything because my brain was telling me that I needed to endure it or he would do something worse to me. Obviously, at these times, I hated my brain.

The following Monday I lazily walked into the Great Hall and sat down across from Blaise and next to Theo. Suddenly, while eating my eggs, something started rubbing up against my foot. I rolled my eyes.

"Whoever is trying to play footsies with me needs to stop." I announced. I looked up and saw the guilty expression on Blaise's face which then changed to an amused smirk. I could literally see the comeback formulating in his mind.

"I can't help it if I find you so damn attractive." He said in a sarcastic seductive drawl.

"Just my luck the one guy who finds me pretty and he's taken." I stated back at him with a smirk.

"You bet he is." Nott said just loud enough for us to hear and smiled at Blaise. I smiled at the both of them. They were obviously in love with each other even though they haven't said it to each other yet. "Boys and their bloody egos" I thought. Soon the familiar sound of the owls coming to bring us news filled the Great Hall. They fluttered around dropping off parcels and letters to various people. I saw one fly directly towards me. It dropped the Daily Prophet in front of me and I gave the owl a treat and then it flew off. I lazily looked over the front page then suddenly something caught my eye I looked down at the article and nearly choked on the toast I was eating.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Blaise asked full of worry.

"He's alive."

"Are you sure?" He asked grabbing the paper from my hands knowing exactly who I was talking about. "What are you talking about I don't see him mentioned anywhere." He stated exhasperated. I snatched the paper back from him and started to read the article.

_"A new legion has come to fight against The Dark Lord. Seemingly out of_

_no where emerge this band of mysterious rouges dressed all in black with masks to conceal their identities. Although they have no direct affiliation with The Order they have made it their task to attack various death eaters some of whom include the Crabbe family and members of the notorious Parkinson family. One of our correspondents happened to witness the battle and recalls the Men wearing black_

_as , "Masters of the art of dueling, not only were they victorious in their duels but did so with a grace and style that I have never seen before. When I asked them who they were the one that seemed to be the leader stepped fourth and said 'We are The Counts, and we will avenge the wronged'." Whichever side you fight for it is obvious that these men are a force to be reckoned with." _

"They sound hot." Theo said afterwards getting punched by Blaise.

"Hermione, How do you know that's him? it could be anyone." Blaise said

"Because, The night he left he helped me and afterwards we started talking and I asked him what he was going to do and he said he was going to get revenge on all those who have crossed him. And I told him that he should read the book The Count of Monte Cristo if he liked the idea of revenge so much. It's him. I know it is."

"Wait how did he help you?" Blaise asked. I inwardly cringed I didn't want to tell him why Ron was such an ass to me. I didn't want his pity. But most of all I was ashamed that I let it get to the point that it did. I was supposed to be the smartest witch of my time but I couldn't even defend myself against my horny boyfriend. I didn't want to lie to Blaise though.

"Well..um, You remember when I told you that Ron had gotten mad when he saw Draco come down the stairs and that Ron jumped to conclusions and thought that I was cheating on him?"

"Yeah." Blaise said with interest and skepticisim

"Well that wasn't the whole truth. You see that night Ron came over and we started…….doing……stuff. And, well he wanted to do more than I was willing to do and he got frustrated and he started trying to force me to do what he wanted to do. But Draco came down and stopped him." I said looking down the whole time.

"Are you bloody kidding me." He asked in a murderous tone even though he new the answer.

"That redheaded bastard." Theo also stated with anger. Even though we had become friends it still amazed me that they were acting like this, like they were genuinely concerned for me. Despite the horrid memory of what happened I inwardly smiled at the loyalty of my new friends.

"Don't worry about it. It's all in that past. I'm over it" I declared with more conviction than I actually possessed.

"No wonder you get freaked out whenever you see him." Theo stated oblivious to what I had just said.

"If he even looks at you wrong you had better come and find us." Blaise seriously stated while Theo nodded in the background.

"Thanks guys. I will" I said earnestly.

"So you really think it's him?" Blaise asked changing the subject. Suddenly, just as I was about to answer Professor McGonnogal stood up at the podium and everyone became silent.

"Good Morning Students, I would first like to mention that the Library is strictly for academic use only and that if you wish to socialize and "hang out" as you children so like to call it please do it elsewhere. Now, on to more important matters, the faculty and myself have noticed a considerable decline of moral in the past couple of months and, although with the present times this is perfectly understandable I know that our wonderful Professor Dumbledor always held the belief that when there is suffering occurring anything you can do to make others feel even a tiny bit of joy is appreciated. With that said, I am very pleased to announce that the Ministry of Magic and The Order has approved the request for the reinstation of the Yule Ball. Also it will also be a fundraising ball for The Order. Now I hope that all of you will be on your best behavior and I would like a assure all of you that we are providing the utmost security of this event and no one will be able to penetrate our walls on this evening. Have a nice day."

After she was done announcing there was an elongated pause. And then there was a burst of energy and suddenly the whole Hall was electrified with excitement. Durring this excitement There was one non-serious ,superficial, and stereotypical thought running through my head. "What am I going to wear?"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I am soooooo sorry I haven't updated in a long time but this chapter is pretty long to make up for it. I have just been so busy with school. I know I'm awful throw your rocks already.**

The Yule Ball seemed to be exactly what everyone needed in the following weeks. It was a necessary distraction and a chance just to enjoy each others company. You would think that the teachers would ask the Heads and the Prefects to help organize the event but it seemed that they wanted everyone to sit back and have a stress free evening. I was glad because the teachers had decided to give us tons of homework so we weren't getting off too easy. I was excited because I was going with Blaise so there wouldn't be any pressure and I always had a lot of fun with him. He wanted to go with me because I guess he figured that no one would be surprised and Theo wouldn't be jealous. Unfortunately, there was one glitch in this near perfect evening. We weren't allowed to go to Hogsmead to get dresses. With this information almost half the girl population started to freak out. However, the problem was soon rectified with the announcement that the faculty was allowing different stores to come and bring their formal wear for us to choose. To be scheduled in you had to sign you and your date up before the following Friday. So that Thursday Blaise left the task up to me. So I went to the sign up board and after I was done I turned around to leave and came face to face with Harry.

"Hi, 'Mione." Harry stated unenthusiastically

"Hey, I didn't think you were talking to me." I stated with a challenging stare

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you haven't said more than 3 words to me since you got back. So I figured Ron had filled your head with lies about me being a traitor."

"I don't think you're a traitor." He stated quietly looking down at his feet.

"Then why haven't you talked to me? I've tried to be there for you Harry. I've tried to talk to you. Why are you shutting everyone out!?" I screamed so frustrated with how he was acting.

"It's easier that way. For everyone." He said quietly

"You can't do this alone, no one could."

"I have to Hermione; I'm going to die in this war. My heart just can't take pretending that things are normal, that everything's fine. I just can't. I'm sorry"

"Harry I'm…." I started but he had already turned and was briskly walking away. "This isn't fair." I thought before I left to go to the heads dorm. I didn't know how to make him feel better. I couldn't say "No you're going to be fine." Because I don't know that and as much as it hurts to admit it there is a strong chance that Harry won't live through this war. Silent tears started to run down my face and I ducked into the bathroom. I went into a cubical and put the lid of the seat down and sat and tired desperately to stop the ocean of tears spilling out from my eyes. "Suck it up, Hermione." I kept repeating to myself. However, as much as I told myself to be strong the more hopeless and weak I felt. Someone who was really strong wouldn't be crying right now. I sighed and went back to my room to do some homework to take my mind of everything. I just needed a break.

The following Friday Blaise and I were scheduled for our formal wear fittings. As soon as we stepped in the room we were showered with attention. So much so that I was taken aback.

"Why are they fawning all over us?" I whispered to Blaise as one of the designers was showcasing her line.

"Obviously because I'm so handsome." He said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes "And it doesn't hurt that my family is the second richest family in the wizarding world, next to the Malfoy's of course." I made a silent oh and started paying attention. However, Blaise seemed to be into it way more than I was. Just then I saw one of the dresses price tags and freaked out.

"Blaise there's no way I can pay for this!" I said in an urgent whisper

"Please don't make me laugh of course you're not paying for the dress."

"I can't accept this Blaise it's too much."

'Who says I'm doing it for you? Look if I'm going to go to a ball and be all straight me and my date had better be the hottest couple there." He whispered to me.

"I can't believe I ever thought you were straight." I whispered to him and was rewarded with a wink. As time went on I was finding it harder and harder to focus on finding a dress and not letting my mind drift. I mean I like to shop and all but this was ridiculous we were probably there for a good hour already and we haven't even found anything for either of us.

"That's it!" Blaise exclaimed enthusiastically. I snapped to attention and looked at the dress that was the core of Blaises excitement. It was a long dark green dress that had a low enough neckline to warrant a distressed look from me. However, the most astonishing part came when the model turned around revealing that the back of the dress was gone and only started before my butt.

"What did they run out of fabric or something? I" I stated with worry"I'm not wearing it."

"What? It's perfect!" he exclaimed.

"It's not me Blaise. And anyway a dark green dress? Why don't we just slap a sticker on my forehead that says "all the rumors are true I love shagging slytherins." I retorted

"Well why not? You will be making a statement."

"Oh really what statement is that "hey how's it going I'm a slut?"

"No, wearing the dress would be saying "I'm a confident hot woman and I don't give a fuck what you think." He said with a smirk.

"I could never pull that off."

"Yes you could! You're hotter than you think, Hermione. And wouldn't you like to just let go for one night. We live in a very serious time, Hermione, and when opportunities arise that allow us to be actual teenagers for once and to have fun we need to take as much advantage of them as possible, and this dress is perfect for that." Blaise could sell a painting to a blind person. But there was so much truth in what he was saying. The allure of just letting everything go was something that couldn't be denied. I released a heavy sigh. "Great! Now go try the dress on." Blaise commanded. One of the assistants took me by the arm and led me to a dressing room where the dress was waiting. I put it on and was startled when it started magically forming to my body. After feeling quite stupid I looked at the mirror to see how ridiculous I looked in the dress. However when I saw myself I felt the oddest sensation. The only way I could describe it was sexy. "Is that it do I feel sexy?" I had never really felt sexy before. I mean sometimes I think I don't look too bad but I have never felt like this. I couldn't help the smile that came to my face and I instantly started laughing when the image of me going up to someone and trying to seduce them with my feminine wills floated into my mind like an uninvited ship.

"Is everything alright in there miss?" Someone asked from outside of the curtain. This only made me laugh harder.

"Oh come on you can't look that bad." I heard Blaise say. After I regained whatever sanity I had left I came out of the dressing room and went to stand in front of everyone. Blaises mouth contorted into a huge grin. I smiled back at him.

"You look amazing." He said as he got up, came over to me and kissed my hand.

"Well thank you Mr. Zambini." I replied.

"If I were straight I would so do you." He whispered in my ear. When he pulled away we both looked at each other and started laughing. After we stopped laughing Blaise got his matching dress robes and we went back to the common room. The following week went by in a blur. Everyone was so excited about the dance and truth be told so was I. However, this cheery spirit still didn't reach one melancholy boy who had shut himself up in his room and refused to come out. I didn't know what to do with him. I didn't know how to make him feel better. And I was so tired of worrying, so tired of feeling like the mother of everyone.

The day of the ball finally came much to everyone's excitement. I got back from classes that day to find Blaise in the common room surrounded by an entourage of people.

"Oh great she's here. Take her up to the room on the right and get started. We only have 4 hours until the ball." Blaise said, and as he did so one man and three women came bounding over to me with a look of pure determination on their faces. I stepped back from their gaze and when they finally got to me the man who I assumed was their leader started looking me up and down.

"Ladies, this isn't going to be easy. We've got a lot of work to do." He said. I didn't know whether to thank him for his time or be offended. Before I knew it I was being dragged up the stairs by the arm. I glanced back at Blaise with a worried expression on my face. He started to laugh.

"Don't worry Hermione, what's the worst that could happen." He stated with a goofy grin. Before I was able to reply with the sudden onslaught of images that came into my mind I was thrust through the door of my room. When we got in I was suddenly forced into the chair across from my vanity.

"Ok now where's your make up?" I opened the top drawer and handed him my make up bag. "This is it? What kind of a girl are you." However, I was again cut off as they started to brush my hair not even trying to alleviate any pain. The next 3 hours and 45 minutes spent in my room went by in an uncomfortable blur. Suddenly all the poking and prodding stopped forcing me out of my dazed state. "I have really out done myself." The man stated with nods of approval from his cronies.

"Can I look now?" I said excitedly.

"No, Mr. Zambini gave me strict instructions to be the first one to see you." He stated with a tone that implied that he was happy to refuse me. I rolled my eyes and made my way to the door. "Wait! We have to announce you!" they declared while rushing passed me down the stairs where I was assuming Blaise was waiting. "Mr. Zambini it is my great pleasure to introduce you to the new and improved Ms. Hermione Granger!" He said queuing me to come down. However, I suddenly felt very self conscious. I didn't even know what I looked like! I started feeling very nauseous and hurried back into my room after hearing them announce my name again. I sat on my bed and breathed heavily with each breath I imagines the butterflies floating out of my stomach. After a few minutes I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I knew who it was. Blaise knocked on the door. "Hermione come on just let me see you." He said on the other side of the door.

"Blaise I don't think I can do this." I stated with worry

"Of course you can! Your Hermione Granger you have faced countless fears before this isn't even that big of a deal."

"Not a big deal!" I screamed making my way to the door and throwing it open. "Your right I was Hermione Granger but now I am just seen as a traitor! I can't believe I let you talk me into wearing a dress that makes me look like a Slytherin prostitute when everyone already thinks we're shagging!" I screamed.

"Hermione, shut up." He stated while staring at me.

"What? I will not shut up! I just can't see how you can be so-"I started while he was dragging me over to my mirror. However I was cut off again but this time by my own reflection. This was definitely not Hermione Granger. This girls looked so……..seductive. The emerald dress was in itself revealing but my hair was pulled up in an elegant up do with diamond hair pins sparkling in my chestnut hair. I didn't know how they did it but my make up made me look elegant but sexy all at the same time. I couldn't believe it. I saw Blaise in the mirror and turned to face him. "Maybe I can do this." I said

"Oh you can definitely do this. If I were straight I would be all over you right now." I smiled at him and looked back at my reflection. Suddenly I saw his arm rise above me and place a diamond necklace around my neck and clasp it. It sparkled and shined with and elegance and sophistication I knew that I did not possess.

"I'm not this person looking back at me, Blaise."

"That's the point. Just for one night Hermione forget who you are. Become someone else." He whispered in my ear while wrapping his arms around me and looking at the mirror also. "I'm not this guy either." We both stood there looking at each others reflection we both looked the part of a sexy couple who didn't care what other people thought. No one could tell that we were really just two kids scared to death of letting people see what we were really like. "Ready to go?" Blaise asked after an extended period of time.

"All the worlds a stage…" I said quietly to myself keeping my eyes on my reflection. "….And all the men and women merely players." "Who am I?" I thought to. I hardly knew everything I thought I was and could be seemed to be just a role I played in order to conceal the actress beneath. I couldn't stop now I was in too deep in my own illusion that reality would bring more harm than good. "Fuck it" I thought. "Yeah I'm ready"

We were running late. I knew that we would probably be reprimanded by a teacher for neglecting our responsibilities as heads but at that point I didn't care. In a way I liked acting and switching roles it was a relief. I just didn't know if I could pull this one off. We finally got the great hall and as the doors opened it seemed like everyone's eyes snapped to our direction. I took an involuntary step back but was brought back to my sense by Blaise who started rubbing my hand. I looked at him and he gave me a sly grin and a wink and at that moment I knew I could do this. It was as if my there was a spark inside me that just ignited into a fire. I felt anxious and nervous but on the outside I was all confidence, staring people down as I passed them refusing to look down from their gaze. I heard their gasps at the back of my dress and my name being whispered from all directions. I was a pureblood snob. And everybody was in awe of me. Blaise walked me out into the middle of the dance floor and twirled me around as if showing me off. I smiled seductively and when he brought me back in the music started as if on queue. My body moved with a sultriness I didn't know I possessed every move gave the appearance of two people who couldn't keep their hands off each other. When the song ended Blaise wrapped his arm around my waist and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I couldn't help the grin that came to my face when I saw Ron staring at me obviously fuming with anger. And at that moment I did something very un-Hermione like I blew him a kiss and then winked at him. He got so mad at this that saw him stomp off in the other direction. Blaise and I took up a position leaning up against a wall. Surprisingly, many guys came up to ask me to dance but one look from Blaise sent them away as fast as they came.

"See, I told you. We are totally the hottest people here."

"Well I'm glad to know that you're not superficial."

"Oh please, you know what I mean." I rolled my eyes at him. After a while I started to notice that Blaise was often staring off into the distance and when I would follow his gaze I would land on Theo usually dancing with his date or sitting by himself looking equally miserable and staring straight back at Blaise.

"You should go to him." I whispered in Blaise's ear.

"I can't leave you alone. And besides he broke it off with me." He said sadly.

'What?! When did this happen?"

"About a week ago, we almost got caught again and he said he couldn't take the stress of it anymore." I looked over at him.

"Well he obviously still loves you."

'What! What are you talking about he ended it Hermione."

"He's just scared and confused Blaise, you know the real him you know more about him than probably anyone he knows. He needs you Blaise. Got to him."

"But what about you? What will you do?"

"I think I'm going to go take a walk outside, come get me when you're done. Don't have too much fun." And with and a complimentary wink I left him and made my way towards the opening that led to the balcony. Before I left I looked back and saw that Blaise and Theo were heading towards the opposite end of the hall and ducking out a door. I smiled and made my way outside. The air was cold as it brushed against my skin but it didn't seem to bother me. I have started to take a liking to the cold it had a good way of clearing the senses and numbing feeling all at the same time. I walked down the stairs onto the grass and looked up at the starry skies. So much had changed but not the sky not the shapes of the stars and the ever constant North Star lighting my way home. It was comforting, I felt alive. I was playing no roles right now harboring no illusions just letting my true self come out and it felt good. I closed my eyes and imagined my life the way I used to with all the possibilities it held.

"May I have this dance?" Someone from behind me spoke out. Waking me from my dreams. That voice. I knew that voice. I slowly turned around and started from the ground up. First I saw his leather black boots, then his expensive looking black pants, then his black belt with a silver buckle that also alluded to his wealth, then his black shirt surrounded and over all of this his open black coat and then finally up to his face that was concealed by a black leather mask of the highest quality and a rimmed hat to further conceal his identity. "I'll take that as a yes." Before I knew it he had taken me by the waist and hand with his gloved hands and was leading me through the steps of a waltz. "Is something the matter?" He asked after a while. By now I had slightly come to my senses.

"No, you just remind me of someone."

"Oh really? Then he must have been a very charming, alluring, mysterious guy." He said with a smirk. I knew that smirk.

"Actually he was more of an arrogant boy and he wasn't all that attractive really."

"Is that right? And what was this loathsome creature's name?"

"Edmund Dantes." I stated with a grin. He matched mine.

"I like your smile." I remarked

"It is a rare occasion when I get to wear one."

"How very depressing."

"I aim to please." He said with another goofy grin. I couldn't help it but I got lost in his eyes. I had dreamed of those eyes for so very long. When the song was over we stopped dancing and just stared at each other. Suddenly when all the tension had mounted he stepped away. However, he still held my hands. "This dress, this necklace, it isn't you." He came closer and took off his gloves and took off the diamond necklace Blaise had put on me and let down my hair. "That's much better." I brought up my hands to his hat and took it off revealing his shining blonde hair. Then I went to take off his mask his hands cupped mine as I slipped my fingers under the edge. His eyes told me that he was afraid of taking it off.

"If you can see me then I can see you." His hold on my hands weakened and I pulled off the mask revealing the face I had previously seen as my enemies but now was a mystery to me. I didn't know what we were. Both of us gazed at each other. Both stripped of our costumes. Both totally vulnerable. The band started playing another song jolting us from our staring contest. I could see reality start to seep into his mind. He remembered that he was without his disguise and suddenly went to put it back on. However, I didn't want it to end. He somehow knew me. Ron may have known who I was but he knew who I had become. I loved the feeling. I felt like he cared for me. I don't know what came over me but as he was putting on his mask I rushed towards him and cupped his face in my hands and laid my lips upon his and kissed him. He was taken by surprise but after a while he started to kiss me back. My heart leapt at that moment. I felt like I was free like nothing could touch me or ever make me feel sad again. However, as I was in that moment of bliss it was suddenly gone. I opened my eyes.

"I'm sorry I just can't." He said and then rushed off in the opposite direction. My heart that once was invincible now seemed torn apart by only words. There was no point denying it now. I was falling for him, hard. And I wish it would stop.


End file.
